Why do we pray?
Note from Carole: Many thanks to my dear friend Kerry K. Smith for allowing me to share her writing about prayer – and whether prayer “works” – here. You may recognize her name from another post, where her lovely poem was featured (and if you don’t, please click that link and read that poem! You won’t regret it). I’m certain this will be a blessing to you as well!
Does prayer work? Why Pray?
If you know me even a little, you know that I am a big fan of order, organization, solid plans, to-do lists and checking things off the to-do lists, common sense, clearly stated rules, practicality, punctuality (and punctuation), low-risk investments, routines, schedules, and guaranteed outcomes. Why yes, I AM that boring.
Cancer doesn’t support any of those things and pretty much mocks them. There is no rhyme nor reason, no rhythm nor routine, and it makes no sense.
My husband Patrick was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer three months ago and has chemo infusions every other week. We were told to expect the first couple days after to be kinda rough, but the off weeks would be better. Okay, we can work around that schedule. In reality, he’s been pretty miserable for weeks, on or off chemo, and his best day recently was the one right after an infusion! …His compromised pancreas is not producing insulin properly so he is taking meds to lower his glucose levels. But the liquid carrier for one of the chemo drugs is basically sugar water that elevates his glucose levels! …A CT scan indicates he has some pancreatitis (inflammation in the pancreas), but a lipase test indicates no active pancreatitis, but the oncologist says not to put too much stock in that test, but the surgeon won’t operate if there is pancreatitis so we need to get that under control, but there’s really nothing to do to get it under control. Hmm…except for maybe surgery to remove the cancerous tumor in the pancreas that’s causing irritation and necessitating chemo that’s also causing irritation?! 🙄 I mean, that would make sense to me….
We learned recently that my dad’s wife’s daughter (no, not an awkward reference to myself! 😂) has liver cancer. She just finished successful chemo and radiation treatment of stage one breast cancer last summer! How did a new cancer grow so quickly in that environment? It makes no sense.
We learned the next day that my dad’s wife—who was diagnosed last August with incurable stage four bladder cancer that had spread here, there, and everywhere in her body and who is just part-way through immunotherapy treatment because chemo and radiation treatments would be too harsh at her age—no longer has any viable cancer cells in her body!! Hallelujah! But that also makes no sense.
Both of these lovely ladies have loads of people praying for them. Did one have more pray-ers praying better prayers than the other? Does prayer work for one and not the other?
We also have loads of people, near and far, praying for us as Patrick endures cancer and the treatment thereof. Of course, he and I are praying ourselves. I sure hope we all are in the group of pray-ers who make prayer work!
Is “does prayer work” even the question we should be asking? I mean, we ask “Does this work?” of weight loss pills, laundry detergent, acupuncture, non-Apple AirPods, air fryers, and dog de-shedding tools. By “working,” we mean “achieving the desired outcome.” It does what we want it to do, preferably at a cheaper price and with less effort. Because if that particular brand or procedure does NOT work, we can try another one. Our motivation for using it is obtaining a favorable result.
What is our motivation for praying? Is prayer a product to sample or a technique to try for a while to see if we get good results? If we do not get what we want when we want it, do we toss prayer in the Goodwill donation pile and try something else? If we view prayer as some sort of gum ball machine where we put a request coin in the slot, turn the knob with “in Jesus’ name,” and instantly receive the desired result (I’ll take a red gum ball, please), we will often be disappointed. Prayer won’t “work” for us; it won’t make any sense.
Prayer is defined as communicating with, talking and listening to, asking of, or thanking: God, the gods, supernatural powers, or any object of worship. For simplicity, let’s just go with the big-G God here, since that’s the one I pray to and I’m the one writing this whole long missive. Besides, if we don’t think praying to the one, true God who created us, loves us, and pulls us out of our sorry pit of sin through the sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus Christ to abide with Him…if we don’t think praying to THAT God “works,” I doubt we’ll have better success praying to an off-brand, lesser than, little-g god; a twinkling star; Superman; or our bank accounts. Anyway….
Making requests is certainly a legitimate part of prayer (Philippians 4:6 ESV “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”). However, we tend to make it the only part of prayer. Probably because it’s more quantifiable. We can keep a prayer journal and tally up the number of times we got “an answer to prayer,” meaning the answer we wanted, and the number of times our prayers “didn’t work.” Am I getting a good return on my investment?
But God desires and deserves much more than this one-dimensional form of communication from us. The Heavenly Father wants His children to talk to Him about anything and everything in their lives. (Yeah, yeah—He’s omniscient. Big, fancy word for “knows everything.” He already knows about everything in our lives. Doesn’t matter. He still wants us to talk with Him about all the things.)
In the Bible there are many examples of people praying to God—talking, crying, raging, rejoicing, thanking, praising, confessing, questioning, AND requesting. In several places, the Bible instructs us to pray without ceasing. Without ceasing! Well there goes my carefully crafted schedule of activities for the day! Not very practical for getting things crossed off my to-do list.
This praying-without-ceasing stuff always reminds me of the episode of The Office (“What?! She’s watched that less-than-holy show?! I refuse to read any more of her nonsense!” Yes, I have watched every episode from all the seasons multiple times. With my children. And I am surprised you have read this far anyway.) …the episode of The Office when Jim is in Scranton and Pam is in New York at art school and they get those tiny Bluetooth headsets. They are on a phone call with each other continuously as they go about their day of work and classes. Sometimes they are speaking to each other, but often one is listening in while the other talks with someone physically next to them. We need to be on a continuous prayer call with God as we go about our days. He is always there to converse with. Don’t hang up on Him!
I have a dear, dear friend in Albuquerque with whom I have video chatted just about every week since I moved to Colorado a year and a half ago. We both talk and listen. I am thankful for her and appreciate the great things about her. Sometimes I ask for her help. We laugh a lot. Sometimes we cry (okay, maybe I just get teary. All-out crying is not practical to me and just gives me a headache 😉). I always enjoy chatting with her about anything and everything in our lives. I have never once thought, “Does this work? Should I even bother? Does talking to her get me what I want?” Our friendship becomes deeper and stronger because we spend time talking with one another.
How strong is your relationship with someone who only talks to you when they want something? Do you feel like they want to spend time with you and love you for being you, or do you feel like they just want stuff or help from you? Do you feel like their friend, their servant, or their ATM?
Several years ago I experienced a looonnnggg season of doubt, questioning, and cynicism about God, faith, the Bible, church, etc. Basically everything foundational to my life. This lasted a couple of years and resulted in another long, written chronicle you can read if you want. 😉 There was a period of about three months that I did not pray at all. Treating God like an ATM when I wasn’t sure He even existed seemed a tad hypocritical. Some circumstances arose that normally would have motivated fervent prayer, including Jake, our son who was in his mid-twenties at the time, getting lost in a mountain snow storm while we were hunting Christmas trees. Honestly, the ratio of positive to negative outcomes was probably the same whether I had prayed or not during this time.
(Jake did eventually make it back to the truck with his tree. Which then blew out of the truck as we drove down the highway to our picnic spot where we noticed it was gone. The tree was subsequently recovered when Patrick drove back and found it propped on the side of the highway. The once-was-lost-but-now-is-found Jake beautifully decorated his once-was-lost-but-then-was-found Christmas tree when both finally made it to his home. But I digress.)
Praying or not praying really didn’t seem to the change the outcomes of circumstances during those months. But my not praying did not mean God ceased to exist. My silent treatment doesn’t have that kind of power. However, not praying certainly did not make me feel closer to God any more than the silent treatment draws one closer to their spouse in an argument. Has a marriage, a friendship, or a work relationship ever been improved if one party refuses to talk or even make eye contact with the other party? My questions about God were not answered by not communicating with Him.
Although I was not talking to God, I eventually realized He was still faithful in talking to me. I was looking for a burning bush or a shimmering cloud with an unmistakable Morgan Freeman-like God voice coming from it to confirm His existence and His love for me. Instead He talked to me, as always, through His written voice, the Bible. Specifically at this time, Psalm 73. (Go ahead and read it now, although it might not make sense to you why it was so impactful to me. Kinda like overhearing a portion of private conversation between two people.)
“Whom have I in heaven but You?” (Ps. 73:25) No one. There is no other brand of God to try for a free three-month trial, cancel at any time. Can’t switch service providers to take advantage of limited-time promotional pricing. God is all there is and all we need. Am I going to acknowledge and talk to Him or not?
Prayer is not meant to be a gum ball machine, dispensing goodies on demand. Instead, the purpose of prayer, I think, is to deepen and strengthen our relationship with God, just like talking regularly with my friend makes us closer friends even though we are physically further apart now. Prayer increases our focus and dependence on Him. Even better than a backstage pass where we might catch a glimpse of our favorite band, prayer grants us access to the throne room of God the Father who pulls us close and leans down to listen to His children as they tell Him about all their cares and concerns (Hebrews 4:16, I Peter 5:6-7).
And when we pray for and/or with each other, it also deepens and strengthens our relationships with one another. One has been open enough to share something difficult going on in their life, and others honor that vulnerability by praying for them. In that way, we walk alongside one another through the struggles of this life. We get to know one another by talking to God together.
Other than my nephew, I don’t know a single person in his high school Bible class. But they are all praying for his Uncle Patrick. So now I have a sweet connection with each of them. I may never meet them in person, but we have a shared experience through praying about the same concern.
Many people have offered to help in any way, but there’s really not much to do, except pray. Prayer can feel like the bare minimum of helping, but it is a huge encouragement to us. Relationships with our family, our friends, our church family, and our neighbors are stronger because we are united around this shared prayer request—heal Patrick of cancer. There are some people that we did not know were pray-ers until they heard Pat had cancer. We got to know more about them. Knowing that so many are praying makes us feel well-loved and supported, even if there isn’t a tangible task these wonderful people can DO right now.
We don’t know if we will get the answers that we want to this prayer request. It clearly won’t be “when” we want it because Patrick’s cancer would already be gone if we were going by my preferred schedule! Cancer doesn’t play by the rules and doesn’t play nice. Whom it hits, when it hits, how hard it hits, if treatment hits back sufficiently, if it comes back, whom it kills and whom it mysteriously leaves—it makes no sense. It seems overwhelming, bigger than what we can manage. But cancer is not bigger than my big-G God. He is in control, He has a plan, He does not leave us to fend for ourselves against the nasty cancer villain. *Spoiler Alert* Cancer doesn’t win. The eternal God who makes all things new wins.
So, the motivation for praying… Maybe prayer is not so much about getting results that make my life easier but about just talking with the Giver of life. Maybe it is about creating a community of people to support us through this difficult time solely through their conjoined prayers. Maybe prayer is not supposed to make sense, be orderly, formulaic, and guaranteed to “work.” Maybe it is designed to increase my faith in a loving God who has it figured out. Maybe I’m not supposed to control the situation but trust the One who is in control. In that case, prayer works!
Kerry K. Smith
February 2024
More Than This Mess 